Potty Training in Our Happy House: Let's Hear It For The Boys!

Today I'm so excited to have a "Boy Mom" perspective on Potty Training shared by Guest Blogger Sarah from Nurse Loves Farmer.  I found Sarah's blog several months back, love the pictures she shares of her two adorable sons, farm life and her faith.  Please welcome Sarah today as she contributes to our series "Potty Training in Our Happy House".

 If not for my sister-in-law potty training my nephew shortly after he turned 2, I probably would have waited until my oldest son Braden was closer to 3 to potty train him. That's just what you typically hear in parenting circles - "boys take longer, and are way harder, to potty train than girls." WRONG. I call your bluff, world! Let's give the young males of the world a little credit, shall we? Toddler boys can be just as smart, or smarter, than toddler girls. I think generally little girls may show a keenness for potty training at a younger age, but boys (and girls) are ready by 22 months. Yes. 22 months. I didn't really start to think about potty training until after my son turned 2 and timing was right in our lives. I started reading up on the method my sister-in-law used, but I just felt it wasn't going to work for me. I tried my own thing the first day, tried to be positive, but it just wasn't going well. Luckily a friend called to ask me how potty training went the first day, and she recommended to me the 3 Day Method which she used with her twin girls. She sent me the eBook, which was really easy to read, and I was excited to try! Once we started the 3 Day Method the next day...I just knew it was going to work. I know that every child is a unique individual and what works for some, won't work for others. BUT, if you're interested in training your child at a younger age, the 3 Day Method works from 22 months on. They do not need to have verbal communication or show interest - it can work and it sure did for us. My son was trained at 2 years 3 months old and he had only gone pee on the potty twice, right before he turned 2 when we were on vacation with his older cousin who is potty trained. When we got home, he showed NO interest and would even decline when we asked him if he wanted to try. It was me who made the decision that I wanted him trained and I had faith in him that he could do it - and he did! Boy moms, I encourage you to have faith in yourselves and in your little boys that they can potty train at a young age too! There's no need to wait until they're 3 or older, unless that's what works best and is what you want to do.
Sarah is a nurse who married a farmer and is boy mom to Braden (3) and Ethan (7 months). She blogs at Nurse Loves Farmer and is embracing her life as a farm wife and loves God, photography, breastfeeding, and cloth diapering. Connect with her on Twitter and on her Facebook page.

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Overcoming Struggles

Please welcome today's guest blogger Ruth from Connecting One Piece at a Time Blog.  She provides Applied Behavioral Analysis social skill, behavioral intervention communication, and executive skill training for children.  She also serves as an advocate for the child in meetings with professionals.  She loves teaching families how to advocate for their child.   One of her goals is to help families take what the child learns in therapy or at school and figure out ways to easily incorporate it into the home environment so the child can make more progress.

A few months ago I saw a friend’s facebook post.  She shared that she was starting to potty train her youngest child.  Within a couple of days, there was another post saying diapers were gone at their house.  Let me tell you, she received lots of comments.  Her friends, me included, thought “what a mom!”  It made me look back at the ups and downs I had with potty training.  I had one “easy one”, one “hard one”, and one that I wondered if I would need to pack pull ups for college. 

If you are struggling in potty training, I want to encourage you that you have a friend.  My youngest child is 18 so it’s been a while since I’ve dealt with it at home. Now, I help others struggling with this issue particularly families affected by disability.  I’ve learned a few things along the way.

1.         Rule out any medical issues that are hindering the process.  A referral to a pediatric gastro-intestinal physician may be your first step.  Does your child have bouts of constipation and/or diarrhea? Does she hold bowel movements and soil her underwear?  Are urination accidents more common when there are bowel movement accidents? Are there food sensitivities that cause digestion problems (these are different than food allergies)? My youngest child has an autism diagnosis and digestive issues are very common with these children.  We made little progress before seeing a dr. for gastro-intestinal issues.

2.        Refusal to go to the bathroom is often more than a behavior problem.  Why?  If there is constipation, it may hurt or it may take “too long.” The child may not "feel" it.  We finally figured out that our youngest child didn’t “feel it” until it was too late.  His sensory system was underdeveloped in this regard until he was older.  The only thing we could do was keep him on a schedule.  If the child is slow to mature, the social emotional skill of transitioning from a preferred activity to a non-preferred one (going to the bathroom) may be quite a challenge for him.

3.        A powerful motivator must be found and used.  For children that have a lot of “behavior” regarding the bathroom, the motivator should be powerful and  only attainable by going to the bathroom.  Example:  if m&m’s are used as the reward, it’s important that  m&m's are only gained through going to the potty. Otherwise, they cease to be a very powerful motivator. 

4.        I think most children learn better using a multi-sensory approach.  Be careful with lots of verbalization.  Try communicating your expectations through visual schedules and picture directions. 

     You may want to have a "I’m working for" chart.   The visual may help a child stay excited about the reward. 

 This visual can be downloaded free here.  You can find more examples on my pinterest boards, toileting,visual supports, and sharing the agenda here.

 Ruth helps families through her business at One Piece LLC.  You can access her e-mail through the blog.

Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge with us Ruth!  I would love to have YOU share your Potty Training story, experience or tips with Happy House of 5 too.  Email me at Lindsey@Happyhouseof5.com today.  

You can catch up on the other posts in the series here:
Potty Training in Our Happy House: Train in 3 days
Potty Training Tips and Tools

Potty Training in Our Happy House: It's a Stage by The Koala Bear Writer 

Potty Training in Our Happy House: When ready doesn't come by Spectrum of Blessings

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Training by Personality Type from Naps and Roadmaps

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Older Children

Today we welcome guest blogger Valerie from Momma in Progress who is sharing her Potty Training struggles, story and tips.  

In my pre-parenting fantasy of things that were never going to happen, having a three-year-old in diapers was pretty high on the list. And no way on God's green earth was I going to have a four-year-old who had yet to master the toilet.

Yet I did. And we both lived to tell about it.

Because I had easy success with potty training (I hate that term, but I still use it) our first child (Agent E) at age 2.5, I figured surely the second kid (Agent J), also a girl, who watched her big sister (and mother) use the toilet appropriately since before she could walk, would be even simpler, right?

Uh, not so much.

We first "tried" at age 2.5. But J didn't want to stop playing and sit down. J couldn't care less about being in a wet or soiled diaper. J had things to do, and I was messing with her agenda.

So, we backed off until after she turned three. Certainly the potty learning process would be more appealing to her now.

Wrong again.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, we tried that. And that. And that, too.

To Agent J, it made no difference whether we used cloth diapers, disposable diapers, pull-ups, underwear, or naked time. We tried shadowing her, having her sit on the potty predictable times each day, leaving a potty in whatever room she was playing in, letting her sit there for as little or as long as she wanted . . . even using a reward system, which we never did for anything else. (This did not impress her, by the way.)

So we put the whole process on hold. Again.

Then 3.5 came and went and Momma started getting a little twitchy. Most people we know had no idea she was still in diapers; they just assumed based on her age that she passed that hurdle. We already decided not to send her to preschool since we were homeschooling Agent E, but we couldn't have even if we wanted to, as being out of diapers was required.

I resigned to the fact that maybe she would just have to train herself. Perhaps she would magically decide one day that enough was enough and give it a completely self-motivated try.

This did not happen.

About a week before her fourth birthday we decided to plunge into the idea of diaper-free Julia once again. We had recently shipped most of our household goods (including all of our rugs) and so we were down to tile floors and minimal stuff. We were preparing to leave Italy in a few weeks and dreaded the thought of returning to the states with no progress. And quite honestly Momma was over the two in diapers thing. (E and J overlapped for 10 months; J and our third baby, Agent A, were going on 18 months at that point.)

We developed a plan: No diapers during the day (only at bedtime). Potty stays out in the family room or whatever room she's spending the most time in. Potty breaks at regular (we chose two-hour) intervals. Special Princess Underwear if she peed in the potty; plain boring underwear following accidents. Lots of positive reinforcement, praise, and rewards. (No; I don't think those things are evil, and even though prizes as motivation hadn't always worked in the past, we were a tad desperate.) 

The first day we only had one success, and day two we had zero. But . . . by day four we had more successes than misses and she realized she had to go even if it wasn't a designated "time." By day seven we could see the light, so to speak. We knew there would be no "let's give up, this is not working" this time. We were well on our way to having another Agent out of diapers.

There was nothing really magical about this plan; in fact, these were all very similar tactics from previous failed attempts. However, this time, it worked! Not right away, but we stuck with it and made steady progress over the next few weeks.Why now? Was she was simply doing things on her own timeline, and her "readiness" (whatever that is) just happened to correspond to my desperation? Perhaps. Maybe no matter what I did (or did not do) Agent J still would have been one of the 2% of children (if you believe statistics) who don't master independent toilet skills until after their fourth birthday.

Honestly, though, I believe it was the combination of her being "ready" and me taking it seriously. I think I had been too wishy-washy and too willing to give up too quickly when things hadn't gone well in the past. I became overwhelmed with Agent A's toddler-ness, and I wasn't focused on helping her the way I had been with Agent E. And she needed my help. Julia might not have been independently "motivated" for another year. She needed a little coaxing. She needed this to be a team effort. She needed me to take charge a bit. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

She was almost 4.5 by the time we were completely confident that we were "done" with the training part, had stopped night time diapers, and had stopped worrying about having extra clothes/towels constantly with us at our disposal. She turns five next week, so that was only about 6-7 months ago. And it already seems like a distant memory.

What I learned: Don't wait for a "good" time, because there may never be one. I'd been warned not to start too early or too close to a major event. She showed signs of interest just before Agent A was born (at just shy of 2.5) and I ignored them, because no one in their right mind starts potty training their toddler when they're 36 weeks pregnant, right? Looking back, I should have just ran with it then.

What did not help: Listening to stories about how other parents trained their kids by [insert random age here]. Ridiculous commenting threads that always have that one troll who "doesn't understand" how anyone could "let" this happen. People who suggested I should have used EC from the beginning because it worked so well for them. (Um, I'll let you know when I get that time machine up and running.) Books and articles that implied I would cause psychological damage by putting a little verbal "big girl" pressure on her. Mothers of older children making condescending statements how they wished they were in the potty days again. Anyone who voiced a tired version of, "don't worry, it will happen," "she won't go to college in diapers," or "she will learn when she is ready." 

Because when it's you, and you're on diaper duty 10-12 times a day between two kids, and you're washing cloth diapers every 48 hours, and you've had to change a child standing up in the bathroom stall one too many times because no changing table in the world is designed for a kid that big, and all of your friends' kids the same age have been out of diapers for over a year, you don't really give a flying chipmunk about such drivel. You are just. so. over. it.

What I will do differently with Agent A: We have had a potty chair out at our new house since we moved in ten months ago, and just this week Agent A has started using it. When I see him taking an interest, I encourage it. Of course, we have a ways to go . . . I don't expect quick results, and if nothing happens I'm not going to stress. But, I'm going to see where his obvious curiosity leads. And if need be, nudge him in that direction.

Did you potty train an "older" child? What worked for you? What kind of (good or bad) advice did you hear?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day.  Valerie is a Navy wife and homeschooling Momma to three Secret Agents. She loves coffee, chocolate, and all things Disney. Find her blogging about her parenting and child-led education adventures at Momma in Progress and connect with her on Facebook.

Thank you Valerie for sharing your struggles with us, I'm sure there are many that can relate! I would LOVE to share your Potty Training Stories and Tips.  You can email me at Lindsey@Happyhouseof5.com today.  

You can catch up on the other posts in the series here:

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Train in 3 days

Potty Training Tips and Tools

Potty Training in Our Happy House: It's a Stage by The Koala Bear Writer 
Potty Training in Our Happy House: When ready doesn't come by Spectrum of Blessings
Potty Training in Our Happy House: Training by Personality Type from Naps and Roadmaps

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Training by Personality Type

Please welcome today's guest blogger Gianina from Naps and Roadmaps, as she shares "Potty Training by Personality Type".

Before I start espousing "wisdom" about potty training, let me just say that as I write this, my two-year old is on a pooping strike and I am at my wit's end. This is particularly frustrating to me a holistic family physician, because I dish advice about this crap (pun intended) all the time. What I've learned, is that being in the trenches with your fellow parents is often the best place to be. Sometimes commiseration is more valuable than advice with some degree attached to it. I happen to be both, a professional and a parent at the end of her potty training rope.

I have never been a big fan of the one-size-fits-all approach. I'm a holistic person at my core and so when it came to potty training my first-born, I was instantly frustrated by what seems like a "Do this and this will happen" approach to potty training. After once again questioning my own ability to parent effectively, my training kicked in. I realized that my daughter, according to Chinese Medical Theory (my area of training), is a "Water type." Basically this makes her one of the hardest personality types to train. Once I considered what her challenges and motivating factors were, I went to work with a whole new approach and a much better attitude.

The star in the center simply shows how all elements are connected and has no other meaning whatsoever.

I'd like to share my personality type approach to potty training in the hope that it will help you identify the personality type of your own child and in doing so, a more holistic and targeted approach to take for your unique child. Over 2,00 years ago, the Chinese based their medical theory on the patterns of nature and how different people responded to their environments. In Chinese Medicine, we categorize people into 5 basic types, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water and Wood. There are many variations under these sub headings, but for these purposes we can keep it simple. Today, we might identify these types as Impulse-Driven, Sensory-Oriented, Goal-Directed, Internalizing and Strong-Willed personality types. I encourage you to read about all 5 types as most people fit into at least two categories. As such, you may find it useful to employ strategies and tips from two or more personality types.

FIRE CHILD (Impulse-driven)

Identifying Characteristics:

• excitable
• energetic
• life of the party (class/playgroup)
• charming
• exhausting
• into everything
• easily distracted
• risk taker
• physically capable
• outgoing
• pleasure seeker
• dreamer
• emotionally unpredictable
• endless energy, then crashes
• why baby-proofing was invented
• rarely sits still
• rough and tumble
• never upset long
• happy
• lives in the moment

Potty Training Challenges:

• hard to keep them interested in potty training
• they don't like to sit still
• they have trouble waiting on the potty for the body to "go"
• tend to not feel challenged by potty training as an activity
• don't like to stop what they are doing to go to the potty
• may have accidents because they don't want to stop what they are doing to go

Approach:

• set a routine based on their elimination schedule and follow it consistently
• call attention to your toilet habits and show them what you do
• explain that using the potty must come before play (Ex: we go to the potty then we can go to the playground)
• don't ask if they have to go, tell them when it is time
• treat using the potty as a non-negotiable like bedtime and brushing teeth
• have several potty chairs so you can catch them in the act and get them back to their "activity" faster
• be prepared to watch their habits and signs of needing to go by following and watching them closely
• allow naked time to help create awareness for them

EARTH CHILD (Sensory-Oriented)

Identifying Characteristics:

• people-pleaser
• helpful
• very social
• reliable
• social butterfly
• good eater/sweet tooth
• sensitive to their environment
• worrier
• accommodating
• seeks comfort
• busy body
• peacemaker
• caregiver
• clingy
• legalistic
• easily disappointed
• friendly
• teacher's pet
• emotionally sensitive
• kind-hearted

Potty Training Challenges:

• child may need their fears about the process and the physical sensations addressed and reassured over and over
• may get stuck on one part of the process such as flushing the toilet, pooping or wiping due to fear, worry or a dislike of the sensation
• because they are motivated to please you, your reaction to accidents can make or break the process
• even neutral reactions to accidents can cause setbacks as the child may be worried they have let you down or that you will be disappointed or angry
• encouragement or direction that feels pushy can cause them to overload on worry and create setbacks, or "holding it," which can cause constipation issues or upset tummies

Approach:

• ease in and don't push as readiness is most critical with this type
• verbally address every possible concern
• stay empathetic, especially during accidents
• let them explore the process and the "tools" in their own way in their own timing
• do not build it up as a big deal, make it seem commonplace and normal to reduce the pressure
• model the correct toilet behavior and habits in front of them
• allow "dress rehearsals" (with clothes if need be) to inspire confidence
• describe all sensations so they are expected and seem normal
• give plenty of praise for attempts as well as success
• do not compare them to other children and especially not to other siblings
• treat accidents like they are no big deal

METAL CHILD (Goal-directed)

Identifying Characteristics:

• perfectionist
• rule follower
• sees things in black and white
• inflexible
• rigid
• orderly
• high standards
• truth seeker
• disciplined
• even-tempered
• organized
• efficient
• likes order and control
• can be detached
• not easily ruffled
• light to be right
• high principles
• single-minded
• neat
• focused

Potty Training Challenges:

• these kids have excellent focus, but the object is always of their choosing
• when potty training becomes their focus they can be very easy to train (these are the "potty trained in 1 day" kids)
• due to their motivation to please their parents, the wrong reaction to accidents can cause a major setback (think weeks or more)
• waiting until they are ready is absolutely necessary or it will be an exhausting fight
• patience on your part is paramount
• avoid power struggles, you can't force them

Approach:

• capitalize on their desire to accomplish tasks by getting them interested in making this one of their chosen goals
• explain all the steps and what is expected
• no amount of detail is too much
• have them practice each step
• cater to their curiosities
• a temporary reward system (no more than 3 days) may work, but can also backfire by turning into a bidding war
• no amount of verbal praise is too much
• these kids thrive on a schedule so keep a very consistent routine until they set one for themselves

WATER CHILD (Internalizing)

Identifying Characteristics:

• sensible
• cautious
• watchful
• modest
• careful
• curious
• serious
• phobic
• fussy
• shy
• clever
• self-sufficient
• solitary
• thoughtful
• pensive
• stubborn
• uncompromising
• prudent
• perceptive
• adapt slowly

Potty Training Challenges:

• child will need to evaluate everything many times before considering trying the potty, so give them time.
• they must feel comfortable and safe before attempting new things
• may need to see both parents and several friends do it before trying it themselves
• may put up a fight over fear not disobedience
• may want to wear a diaper sometimes even after some success on the potty, which may help their process
• may not admit it when they need to go or have had an accident
• peeing and pooping are totally separate hurdles so take them one at a time
• extreme fear or resistance is a sign that more time and explanation is needed
• you may need to take a few weeks off between attempts and major setbacks
• you can not, under any circumstances, force them

Approach:

• allow observation of both parents before you officially start the training process
• take an honest look at yourself and your ability to show your child a lot of patience
• provide repeated and exhaustive explanations of the process and how it works, not why they must do it
• change all diapers from now on in the bathroom to get them comfortable in there
• dump poop from their diapers into the toilet and explain that this is where it goes
• encourage small steps like hand washing in the bathroom and flushing the toilet for mom or dad
• control your reactions to accidents and keep your response kind and neutral
• put your goals, comparisons and expectations to rest and accept your child and their pace as unique

WOOD CHILD (Goal-directed)

Identifying Characteristics:

• decisive
• assertive
• A-type
• motivated
• resourceful
• cunning
• independent
• explorer
• hard worker
• leader
• self-confident
• ambitious
• inflexible
• optimistic
• hot-tempered
• problem solver
• stubborn
• easily frustrated
• moody
• always busy

Potty Training Challenges:

• these kids want to control everything and everyone
• forcing your timing and your methods may cause World War 3
• their confidence is based on achievements, so accidents can cause setbacks due to upset and perceived failure
• biggest challenge is "selling" the idea of potty training to them
• potty training needs to seem like their idea and not your agenda
• you can not force them to do it if they don't want to
• help them understand that accidents do not mean they have failed
• keep your reactions to accidents neutral and do not condemn
• trying to teach a lesson during an emotional thunderstorm is pointless

Approach:

• if you can get these kids interested in potty training, they may do it all themselves
• set goals they can understand and easily achieve to build confidence
• make them think they are in control of the process by letting them tell you when they need to go or choosing their own potty chair/seat
• rewards aren't needed since achieving the goal is their prize
• do not cater to or cave under emotional outbursts, hit pause and start again later
• be ready to be as resolved and determined as they are (this may mean middle of the night potty trips and lots of stops while out and about)
• avoid power struggles
• don't try to break them, your goal is to motivate them
• be ready for them to tell you they are done with diapers and only want underwear before you've even thought about starting potty training

Final Thoughts

1. Be aware of your own personality and don't try to potty train your child they way you were trained or the way that is most appealing to your personality type. Adjust to their style.
2. Take the readiness signs seriously. Starting before they are ready is frustrating for you, upsetting for them and makes the whole process longer.
3. Be prepared to start over a few times.
4. Do a gut check about how you and your spouse, partner or other caregiver respond to accidents and disappointments. Make sure you get overreactions in check. There will be accidents and your reaction tells your child a lot about how you feel about their progress.
5. Be honest about why you want to potty train now. Is your child ready or is everyone else you know doing it? Comparison is never a good reason to start.

By the time I finished crafting this post (whew!), our daughter has given up the poop strike and we are accident free for the last several days. She is even making it through most nights dry! This is a relief you can't imagine (or maybe you can) after months and months of temper tantrums, power struggles, do overs, start overs, set backs and accidents. My point? Potty training is a process. No matter which kind of child you have, be ready to let them grow, mature, fail and succeed in their own time. No one ever went to college in a diaper and our children's college days will come far sooner than any of us will like. Teaching your children that you love them just as they are will provide more than a pleasant potty training experience, it will make for a rewarding relationship that will last a lifetime.

Gianina Knoth, AP, LMT is a licensed and nationally board certified acupuncture physician, master of oriental medicine and licensed massage therapist specializing in family medicine. She has studied Fredudian, Jungian, Traditional Chinese Medical and Five Element Archetypal psychology on the graduate and post-gradual level. When she's not wrangling her munchkins, she can be found at her clinic, with her nose firmly buried in a book or counting the minutes until she has a minute with her better half.

Thanks so much for sharing with us Gianina, it was so interesting to read about the different personality types and compare them to each of my girls.  I would love to have YOU share your Potty Training story and tips, email me at Lindsey@Happyhouseof5.com today.

You can catch up on the other posts in the series here:

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Train in 3 days

Potty Training Tips and Tools

Potty Training in Our Happy House: It's a Stage by The Koala Bear Writer 

Potty Training in Our Happy House: When ready doesn't come by Spectrum of Blessings

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Training by Personality Type from Naps and Roadmaps

Potty Training in Our Happy House: When "Ready" Doesn't Come

When “Ready” Doesn’t Come: Potty Training With a Side of Autism I’m a major bargain shopper, so when I saw an awesome sale on children’s clothing at our local Sears department store one afternoon, I stocked up big time. Luke was only nine months, but I bought an entire wardrobe all the way through size 2T – including (you guessed it) underwear, because certainly, we would be potty training by then. Looking back, I have to laugh at my presumption – at how much I took for granted back then. Instead, just as Luke was fitting in to those 2T sizes, we were learning that Luke had autism. I figured that potty training would just have to wait until Luke could speak and understand language, but by the time he was three-and-a-half, he was still only speaking a few single words, and his understanding was extremely limited. He also didn’t seem to mind being wet or dirty in the slightest.  I started to realize that for Luke, my idea of “ready” might never come. There aren’t many books for parenting special children. How would I ever make him understand the concept of toilet training when words failed? Like teaching most things to an autistic child, potty training is a total commitment. You approach it as a soldier prepares for battle. You stiffen your resolve, put on your battle armor, and send for reinforcements. My first step was to enlist the assistance of Luke’s therapists. They gave me a procedure to follow that went something like this:

Give Luke plenty of fluids.

Have him sit on the toilet every 15 minutes for 5 minute intervals (this gives him many opportunities per day to get it). Prior to taking him, make the sign language sign for “bathroom” and say the word “bathroom.” Prompt him to do the same.

If he goes, he may get up immediately. Praise him with great excitement and give him several rewards. (In Luke’s case this meant he received the iPad for five minutes and yogurt bites to eat). Reset the timer for another 15 minutes and start over.

If he doesn’t go reset the timer for another 15 minutes and start over.

If he has an accident, say “bathroom” while making the sign. Prompt him to do the same. Then have him sit on the toilet for a minute. Have him help clean the mess and change his clothes. Reset timer and start over.

Every three days Luke goes without an accident, increase the time between each potty break by five minutes until he is going every two hours on a schedule, or preferably using the bathroom as needed.

I can’t even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was when I realized that I would be living my life (with two kids) in fifteen-minute intervals. Thankfully, Luke’s therapists helped me for a good portion of the day. I just had to keep it going between therapy sessions, in the evenings and on the weekends, and to my surprise, it wasn’t as bad as I had feared. I really did adjust to taking life fifteen minutes at a time. After weeks of practically living in the bathroom (and plenty of tears on both our parts), Luke finally understood the concept of using the toilet, and even if he could only squeeze a few drops, he would go every time and receive his rewards. Once we had worked up to 25 minute intervals and I started making short trips outside of the house on outings where bathrooms were readily accessible. The first outings were a little awkward. I know that it must have been strange for the others to watch me run to the bathroom with Luke every time his timer went off, and it felt constant, but an advantage of autism parenting is that you get over what others think rather quickly. It is what it is. You just accept it and do what your child needs. It wasn’t long after this, however, that Luke started independently signing and requesting “baa-toom” when he had to go. Around this time, he also started to dislike feeling wet. We were able to discontinue the use of the procedure and just take him on demand. We also gradually faded out the use of rewards. Since then, there have been triumphs and setbacks. Learning to poop in the toilet took several months longer. I would dump the contents of his dirty underwear into the toilet and let him watch it flush so he understood where it was supposed to go. I also had to start making him sit longer at the time of day when he would usually go. Eventually, he did go, and after that first time (and an overload of praise and rewards), he improved rapidly. Another setback was that every few months Luke would suddenly start having accidents again. I can only attribute this to the fact that there were other things that were much more interesting than going to the bathroom. My response to this is to start making him sit on the toilet every hour whether he needs to go or not. Since he doesn’t appreciate the interruptions, he gets back with the program immediately. Today, at age six, there are still things we need to work on. Luke still needs to learn to wipe himself thoroughly (he does try), and he still wears a diaper overnight (although I’m convinced this is a problem for many boys – even typical ones). Also, in new places, I still need to insist that he go every couple of hours because he won’t go on his own if the bathroom isn’t familiar, but these are all very manageable and I expect he will continue to make progress in this area. So, dear parent, if you find yourself faced with the seemingly insurmountable task of potty training a special needs child, do not despair. It can be hard, and it takes time, but it is also very possible.
Joyce Rohe is the blogger at Spectrum of Blessings, where she writes about raising her Happy House of *Almost* 5 and being the Christian Mommy of an exceptional child. She was recently published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Raising Kids on the Spectrum. In addition to her blog, you can find her on Facebook.

Thanks so much for sharing with us Joyce!! I would love to have YOU share your Potty Training story and tips, email me at Lindsey@Happyhouseof5.com today.

You can catch up on the other posts in the series here:

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Train in 3 days

Potty Training Tips and Tools

Potty Training in Our Happy House: It's a Stage by The Koala Bear Writer 

Potty Training in Our Happy House: When ready doesn't come by Spectrum of Blessings

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Training by Personality Type from Naps and Roadmaps

Potty Training in Our Happy House: It's a Stage

I'm so excited to begin a new series here on Happy House of 5.  

I've had a lot of interest in my Potty Training Posts and thought that I would expand the topic by inviting other bloggers to share their tips and experiences.  Today I would like to welcome our first guest blogger, Bonnie from The Koala Bear Writer.  

"Mommy, I went pee and poo in the potty!" Lily's voice is high with excitement as I come around the corner to check on her activity in the bathroom.  In the last couple of days, she's started telling me she can go by herself—and going when she needs to go, instead of just when I tell her to go.  It's a huge, rewarding step in what feels like a long potty training journey.

I have two girls in underwear now (and one more still in diapers!), and while I'm not an expert on potty training, I have noticed a few things that helped both of my girls learn.

1.  They were ready.

Before I started potty training, I scoffed at the idea that children had to be ready to do it.  It was more about the parents, I thought, and when they were ready to work with their children on this.  Sunshine changed my mind on that.  With both of my daughters, I've had potty and underwear ready for them... before they were ready for it.  I made suggestions and encouraged, but didn't have much success.

Then there was one day when each of them woke up and said, "I want to wear underwear" and that was the beginning of their potty training.  After that, they didn't want diapers.  They wanted to be "big girls" and, even though they still had accidents, they generally kept trying to go potty on the toilet and to be motivated themselves to do it.

2.  Don't scold or punish.

Accidents are frustrating.  Very frustrating.  Especially when they happen at the perfect times (like when you are getting ready to go somewhere) or in the perfect places (like on the couch or the bed).  I've gotten really upset at a few accidents and noticed that doesn't help either of them—or me.  Instead, I've learned to take a deep breath and to talk calmly to them about what they could have done instead.  They could have come inside instead of playing outside.  They could have gone potty before getting in the truck.  They could have told Mommy.  And if they told Mommy, we'd be ready to play again already instead of still cleaning up the mess.

Since Lily was also old enough to get dressed herself, I had her change her wet clothes if she had an accident and put the dirty clothes in the laundry.  Sometimes I also got her to mop up the puddle with paper towels.  These natural consequences helped her learn about her mistakes without either of us getting upset.

3.  Let them feel wet.

Sunshine was potty trained around the time that she was two years old (just before Lily was born) and it only took a few months.  She wore cloth diapers and knew when she was wet and asked for a diaper change immediately.  By the time Lily started potty training, our cloth diapers had worn out so she was wearing disposables.  She was much less motivated to start training and is now almost three and finally (I hope!) trained.  I strongly believe that the sensation of being wet helps children learn to go potty.  Whether that means cloth diapers, potty training pants, or simply going cold turkey and putting them in underwear (and putting up with the accidents for a while), let your child experience his bodily signals.  Disposable diapers and pull-ups don't let children feel the wet to the same extent and so they don't learn the signals that precede feeling wet.

Finally, remember that potty training is a stage.  It may seem like it takes a while (and some children may take longer than others, like Lily!) but eventually, they all figure out how to do it... so buy more paper towels and keep smiling.

Bonnie Way is a freelance writer, editor and blogger.  She has three daughters (ages 5, 3, and newborn) who enjoy reading books, building with their blocks, and playing in parks.  When she's not on her computer, Bonnie can be found baking cookies, rock climbing, or trying to take pictures of her girls.  She and her husband have been married for six years and live in Victoria, BC.  Bonnie blogs three times a week about motherhood or what's she reading and also hangs out on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.

Thanks so much for sharing with us Bonnie!!  I would love to have YOU share your Potty Training story and tips, email me at Lindsey@Happyhouseof5.com today.

You can catch up on the other posts in the series here:

Potty Training in Our Happy House: It's a Stage by The Koala Bear Writer 

Potty Training in Our Happy House: When ready doesn't come by Spectrum of Blessings

Potty Training in Our Happy House: Training by Personality Type from Naps and Roadmaps

Share your Potty Training Story

I have been so amazed to see the response that my Potty Training in our Happy House post has received.  It's my number one viewed post thanks to Pinterest.   I've been getting lots of comments, emails and Facebook messages regarding Potty Training.  I've had friends use the 3 day method I blogged about and had wonderful responses with their children too. 

I do realize that the 3 day method is not a one size fits all for training.  I would love to help other readers who are having a struggle or questions about potty training, that's where you come in.  I am looking for other Bloggers who would be interested in being featured here on Happy House of 5, by sharing your Potty Training story, experiences and recommendations.  It can be similar to my 3 day training, completely different techniques, how you decided your child wasn't ready yet, boys vs. girls, training multiplies, I'm sure your story could help encourage another reader if you shared it!  If you are interested please email me at Lindsey@Happyhouseof5.com